Well I am not sure what has happened to me in the past few days, but I am definitely a different woman than I was when I woke up on Tuesday morning. I feel it has to do with the bible study I am doing. It has made me so aware of my thoughts, words and actions and that God is my immediate audience to what I am thinking, saying and doing and I realized what he was witnessing was not something that he would be proud of. Yes I have a generous and giving heart, sometimes too generous, and am always there for my family and friends whenever they need me, no questions asked, but I have been horrible to myself. That is not what God wants of His children.
Last night I spent a while in prayer, some of it in tears. I prayed for everything and everyone that entered my mind. I was just talking to God like He was sitting right in front of me and asking how I was, how my day went, how my family and friends were. That has never happened to me before. I mean I have always prayed and loved God, but this was so different. I feel like last night I truly gave my wholeself over to God. I always thought I had done that before, but if I had done that I would have been happy all this time and been truly at peace. Now I am happy, I am at peace, I am falling in Love with my God and it is so exciting. I look forward to talking to Him, to learning more about him, to spend time in music worship with Him (just the two of us). I got home tonight about 12:15 from some much needed girl time, just hanging out and vegging and visiting!!! I am so sleepy, but I couldn't wait to get home and sing to/with my God. Sing His praises, His truths!!!!
Some really exciting things happened today. First I was obedient and paid all my bills. I went on to pay a student loan payment and because I had applied for a new repayment schedule (to lower my payments) it also postponed the payment for a month. Therefore I don't have one due on July 3. I was so excited because that freed up money to use to pay-off my medical bills. (all are mainly lab work from my oncology check-up). The total of my medical bills was not much over the cost of the student loan payment. God is so great!!!!
Also, my niece Ashley and I discussed getting an apartment together yesterday (Thursday) and today she called and said she found a house. Its in her price range, I would pay her rent and we would both be saving money. This is perfect because I am not ready for the responsibility that comes with owning a house. Nothing has been worked out, but it is a strong possibility that this will happen and it would be a huge answer to prayers. It would mean that I could keep my job and get some other stuff paid off!!!!
My sister had a hair appt yesterday, so I had the priviledge of keeping Connor and Dawna at work with me. My spirit is always lifted when I get to see my sweet babies.
All the girls got together tonight, it has been so long since all of us got together for some girl time!!! I miss hanging out with them so much, but we are all so busy that it is hard to get us all together on the same night!!!
Today has been a great day and now I am going to go to sleep and take advantage of the fact that I get to sleep in tomorrow!!!! Woo Hoo!!!
Goodnight and God Bless,
Feather Lynn
Friday, June 25, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Beautiful, Beautiful
I am starting with the song, Beautiful, Beautiful by Francesca Battistelli. I hope you enjoy the song before you read or while you are reading. I am listening to it as I type this.
Today was a pretty good day. I caught myself doing the negative talk inside my head. I was more aware of the little anxieties that would pop up out of nowhere. I also realized that keeping KLOVE playing all day keeps my thoughts positive and it is easier to stop the bad talk and turn it around. Right now there is one particular thing that has me slightly anxious, I am not ready to talk about it, but just pray that I keep my eyes looking upward and focused on God while I am waiting on His perfect timing in this time of my life.
In my bible study I am learning about the soundtrack in my thought closet, the "realness" of worrying and how to meditate on what is true instead of the lies. I have been to a counselor many times in my life. In the beginning of my "self-discovery" (about 2 years ago) I was very anxious, angry, bitter, resentful, depressed and just plain lost. It didn't matter where I turned or what I did, I always felt like it wasn't good enough. I strived for the approval of my sister and only her approval was good enough for me. I was constantly looking for approval from men. My dad has worked in the oil field since I was 10 and that meant him not being around much during my childhood. I love my daddy and I never doubted his love for me and that he was proud of me, but apparently that wasn't enough for me. What I first learned is that my thoughts would spiral out of control and all it took was one little, tiny thought and down I went. I could start the day in a great mood and within a few minutes I was miserable. I couldn't control it, I thought I was going crazy. Thankfully God put an amazing Christian counselor in my path and helped me to begin to heal. Then another Christian counselor surfaced in the form of my brother-n-laws, cousins husband. Steve is a great man and thru e-mail and cd's of his I listened to I discovered just how bad my anxieties were. I was an axious child, and anxious teenager and now and anxious adult. Steve was an answer to prayers and I was able to break the anxiety cycle in my life and recognize it to a point that I am able to stop it almost as soon as I start to feel anxious. Now, here I am today doing a bible study on what God has been working with in my life for a few years.
Sorry for the mini life story!!!!
The material that stuck out more in the last three days (3 days in 2) is worrying. My entire family and closest friends know that I am a big worrier...my mom even calls me a worry-wort. My grandmother was the same way and I thought she hung the moon, so I never really thought there was anything wrong with worrying. Well in God's wonderful grace and ability to reveal His truth to you, I have learned that worrying is so wrong, it is basically a sin....well not basically, it is a sin.
God warns against dwelling on anxious thoughts. Well hello, sin much Feather!!!! Dwelling on those anxious thoughts was second nature, it was what I did best. Thankfully I don't anymore and really haven't for some time. Now I have my days, I am not perfect and I DO NOT have it all together, but I know how to control it and rely on God to comfort me.
I also didn't think I knew how to meditate. I always tied it with holistic stuff and other religions, but it is biblical!!! I can't remember the verse, but it is, I read it tonight....will find it later and post the verse!!! What I learned is that I do meditate, I do it very well actually....just on the WRONG things!!!! I meditate on the what if's when I should meditate on the what is.
Today, even though things were crazy at work and people were in and out all day, phones were ringing off the hook and I was going in 10 different directions trying to do 10 different things at once, I felt calm, peacefull, HAPPY!!!! Even when the anxieties and what if's popped in my head, I immediately squashed them and focused on whatever song was on KLOVE. It was truly amazing to witness God working in me in that way today!!!!
So even though God has been working on me for several years, only now do I really feel like I am changing by His grace, His mercy and His love. I am falling in love with My God and it is an amazing feeling. I am smiling because of my Heavenly Father and not because some guy decided he wanted to say hi or because my sister stopped by to see me at work or because my sweet Connor and/or Dawna say they love me out of the blue....its all because of my Lord and Savior and that is a pretty amazing feeling!!!!
I guess I have made this long enough, I could keep going, but I will save some for the next post. I need to get to bed anyways.
Thanks for reading. May God bless you beyond your wildest dreams!!!!
Love,
Feather Lynn
Today was a pretty good day. I caught myself doing the negative talk inside my head. I was more aware of the little anxieties that would pop up out of nowhere. I also realized that keeping KLOVE playing all day keeps my thoughts positive and it is easier to stop the bad talk and turn it around. Right now there is one particular thing that has me slightly anxious, I am not ready to talk about it, but just pray that I keep my eyes looking upward and focused on God while I am waiting on His perfect timing in this time of my life.
In my bible study I am learning about the soundtrack in my thought closet, the "realness" of worrying and how to meditate on what is true instead of the lies. I have been to a counselor many times in my life. In the beginning of my "self-discovery" (about 2 years ago) I was very anxious, angry, bitter, resentful, depressed and just plain lost. It didn't matter where I turned or what I did, I always felt like it wasn't good enough. I strived for the approval of my sister and only her approval was good enough for me. I was constantly looking for approval from men. My dad has worked in the oil field since I was 10 and that meant him not being around much during my childhood. I love my daddy and I never doubted his love for me and that he was proud of me, but apparently that wasn't enough for me. What I first learned is that my thoughts would spiral out of control and all it took was one little, tiny thought and down I went. I could start the day in a great mood and within a few minutes I was miserable. I couldn't control it, I thought I was going crazy. Thankfully God put an amazing Christian counselor in my path and helped me to begin to heal. Then another Christian counselor surfaced in the form of my brother-n-laws, cousins husband. Steve is a great man and thru e-mail and cd's of his I listened to I discovered just how bad my anxieties were. I was an axious child, and anxious teenager and now and anxious adult. Steve was an answer to prayers and I was able to break the anxiety cycle in my life and recognize it to a point that I am able to stop it almost as soon as I start to feel anxious. Now, here I am today doing a bible study on what God has been working with in my life for a few years.
Sorry for the mini life story!!!!
The material that stuck out more in the last three days (3 days in 2) is worrying. My entire family and closest friends know that I am a big worrier...my mom even calls me a worry-wort. My grandmother was the same way and I thought she hung the moon, so I never really thought there was anything wrong with worrying. Well in God's wonderful grace and ability to reveal His truth to you, I have learned that worrying is so wrong, it is basically a sin....well not basically, it is a sin.
God warns against dwelling on anxious thoughts. Well hello, sin much Feather!!!! Dwelling on those anxious thoughts was second nature, it was what I did best. Thankfully I don't anymore and really haven't for some time. Now I have my days, I am not perfect and I DO NOT have it all together, but I know how to control it and rely on God to comfort me.
I also didn't think I knew how to meditate. I always tied it with holistic stuff and other religions, but it is biblical!!! I can't remember the verse, but it is, I read it tonight....will find it later and post the verse!!! What I learned is that I do meditate, I do it very well actually....just on the WRONG things!!!! I meditate on the what if's when I should meditate on the what is.
Today, even though things were crazy at work and people were in and out all day, phones were ringing off the hook and I was going in 10 different directions trying to do 10 different things at once, I felt calm, peacefull, HAPPY!!!! Even when the anxieties and what if's popped in my head, I immediately squashed them and focused on whatever song was on KLOVE. It was truly amazing to witness God working in me in that way today!!!!
So even though God has been working on me for several years, only now do I really feel like I am changing by His grace, His mercy and His love. I am falling in love with My God and it is an amazing feeling. I am smiling because of my Heavenly Father and not because some guy decided he wanted to say hi or because my sister stopped by to see me at work or because my sweet Connor and/or Dawna say they love me out of the blue....its all because of my Lord and Savior and that is a pretty amazing feeling!!!!
I guess I have made this long enough, I could keep going, but I will save some for the next post. I need to get to bed anyways.
Thanks for reading. May God bless you beyond your wildest dreams!!!!
Love,
Feather Lynn
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
"Me, Myself and Lies"
Hello there...it has been a while. Going from a two person office to a one-person office is a HUGE shock to the system. I have spent the last month and a half getting use to my new job duties and responsibilites. It has not been easy, but by the grace of God I am getting it done.
I joined a bible study tonight at my church. It is Jennifer Rothschild's "Me, Myself and Lies" (hence the titile of this blog!!!). I am a week behind, which is par for my life right now!!! I have never really felt like a "behind" kind of person, but here lately I rarely feel like I have it together and never feel like I am caught up. Jenn refers to our minds as thought closets. (Mine is full of junk, just saying that up front, because it could get pretty ugly in the next 5 weeks). I will be doing week's one and two in a week, so I am sure I will be on info overload. I am also going to try to blog about each day of the study for two reasons, (1) so I have an account of my experience in this bible study and (2) so that anyone that reads this might be able to use this as a tool to "revamp" their thought closet or decide to begin the study themselves.
Here goes......
Day 1 - Not So Well With My Soul
I have a BAD habbit of neggative self-talk. I am positive and encouraging when it comes to other people, that is easy for me, but when it comes to myself, I am just horrible to myself. Day 1 starts with digging into this exact thing. The idea, I think, is to get you to become more aware of what you are saying to yourself, to notice when the neggative talk/thinking begins and begin to stop it and replace it with positive/uplifting talk. Here are some quotes that really spoke to me and hope that they speak to you as well....(all quotes are being taken from "Me Myself and Lies" by Jennifer Rothschild, week one, day one) don't want to get in trouble for plagerism...
"....it doesn't have to be well with your circustances to be well with your soul." pg 8
"..sometimes our destructive self-talk is more like a steady drip-dripping - an unrelenting trickle of poison, creating a wash of pessimism." pg. 9
"...words have great influence...even the ones you silently speak." pg 9
"Our words have influence, but only God's words have power." pg 9
"Matthew 12:34 says, "The mouth speaks from the over-flow of the heart."" pg 10 (ouch...I will elaborate on how this cut like a knife in a sec)
"He deserves our finest thoughts, best words, and a thesauros full of truth." pg 12
"The enemy of your soul would love to stifle you with self-condemnation, lies, and ill-fitting wourds so your thoughts become a jumbled mess that controls you." pg 13
"Who I am and what I struggle with are NOT the same thing." pg 13
Now about that verse in Matthew...12:34. I immediately thought of all the times that I spoke words that were not uplifting or encouraging and I almost have to catch my breathe....is that really what is in my heart? Well it is straight from God's word and His word is truth, so that means YES!!! Wow, that one stings. Thankfully, the process of change in this area has already begun, God has already begun working on me, on my heart. He is changing me, transforming me from negativity to positive thinking. The majority of the negative people are no longer in my life (which I feel was necessary to get me to a place that I can handle/deal with negative people and not be drug down again). I honestly NEVER saw myself as a person whose heart was full of anger, hate and bitterness, but according to Matt 12:34 I guess I was. No wonder I had a hard time being happy or finding happiness. With all that other mess in my heart and mind, there wasn't room for anything else, which is exactly what Satan wants.
The good news is this is NOT who I am!!! I am looking forward to seeing what God does in my heart, my mind and my life over the next 5 weeks. He has already started doing some amazing things in my life from professional to personal...from my job to the people he is placing in my life!!!
Thanks for reading and God Bless,
Feather Lynn
I joined a bible study tonight at my church. It is Jennifer Rothschild's "Me, Myself and Lies" (hence the titile of this blog!!!). I am a week behind, which is par for my life right now!!! I have never really felt like a "behind" kind of person, but here lately I rarely feel like I have it together and never feel like I am caught up. Jenn refers to our minds as thought closets. (Mine is full of junk, just saying that up front, because it could get pretty ugly in the next 5 weeks). I will be doing week's one and two in a week, so I am sure I will be on info overload. I am also going to try to blog about each day of the study for two reasons, (1) so I have an account of my experience in this bible study and (2) so that anyone that reads this might be able to use this as a tool to "revamp" their thought closet or decide to begin the study themselves.
Here goes......
Day 1 - Not So Well With My Soul
I have a BAD habbit of neggative self-talk. I am positive and encouraging when it comes to other people, that is easy for me, but when it comes to myself, I am just horrible to myself. Day 1 starts with digging into this exact thing. The idea, I think, is to get you to become more aware of what you are saying to yourself, to notice when the neggative talk/thinking begins and begin to stop it and replace it with positive/uplifting talk. Here are some quotes that really spoke to me and hope that they speak to you as well....(all quotes are being taken from "Me Myself and Lies" by Jennifer Rothschild, week one, day one) don't want to get in trouble for plagerism...
"....it doesn't have to be well with your circustances to be well with your soul." pg 8
"..sometimes our destructive self-talk is more like a steady drip-dripping - an unrelenting trickle of poison, creating a wash of pessimism." pg. 9
"...words have great influence...even the ones you silently speak." pg 9
"Our words have influence, but only God's words have power." pg 9
"Matthew 12:34 says, "The mouth speaks from the over-flow of the heart."" pg 10 (ouch...I will elaborate on how this cut like a knife in a sec)
"He deserves our finest thoughts, best words, and a thesauros full of truth." pg 12
"The enemy of your soul would love to stifle you with self-condemnation, lies, and ill-fitting wourds so your thoughts become a jumbled mess that controls you." pg 13
"Who I am and what I struggle with are NOT the same thing." pg 13
Now about that verse in Matthew...12:34. I immediately thought of all the times that I spoke words that were not uplifting or encouraging and I almost have to catch my breathe....is that really what is in my heart? Well it is straight from God's word and His word is truth, so that means YES!!! Wow, that one stings. Thankfully, the process of change in this area has already begun, God has already begun working on me, on my heart. He is changing me, transforming me from negativity to positive thinking. The majority of the negative people are no longer in my life (which I feel was necessary to get me to a place that I can handle/deal with negative people and not be drug down again). I honestly NEVER saw myself as a person whose heart was full of anger, hate and bitterness, but according to Matt 12:34 I guess I was. No wonder I had a hard time being happy or finding happiness. With all that other mess in my heart and mind, there wasn't room for anything else, which is exactly what Satan wants.
The good news is this is NOT who I am!!! I am looking forward to seeing what God does in my heart, my mind and my life over the next 5 weeks. He has already started doing some amazing things in my life from professional to personal...from my job to the people he is placing in my life!!!
Thanks for reading and God Bless,
Feather Lynn
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